A Calvinist arrives at St. Peter’s gates…

Derek Ouellette —  November 2, 2013

What makes Mike Bird stand out as a theologian is his humour. A trait sorely lacking among academicians. I still recall his Old Spice parody video on the Greek New Testament. Funny stuff.

In his recently published Evangelical Theology book he crafts humour and satire into his serious study. I haven’t read it myself (yet!), but Trevin Wax posted a few excerpts illustrating Bird’s comical relief (hmm, perhaps all theological tome’s could use some relief of that sort).

A Calvinist arrives at St. Peter’s gates and sees that there are two queues going in. One is marked “predestined,” and the other is marked “free will.” Being the card-carrying Calvinist that he is, he strolls on over to the predestined queue. After several moments an angel asks him, “Why are you in this line?” He replies, “Because I chose it.” The angel looks surprised, “Well, if you ‘chose’ it, then you should be in the free will line.” So our Calvinist, now slightly miffed, obediently wanders over to the free will line. Again, after a few minutes, another angel asks him, “Why are you in this line?” He sullenly replies, “Someone made me come here.”

In response to the idea that penal substitution is a form of “divine child abuse,” he writes:

“Dem dere be fightin words! The problem is that this argument is filled with so much straw that you could literally take that argument, put a costume on it, and audition it for the role of the scarecrow in a new Broadway production of The Wizard of Oz.”

I’m looking forward to reading this book…


And speaking of poking fun at Calvinism…

God loves you God loves you not

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Derek Ouellette

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a husband, new dad, speaker, writer, christian. see my profile here.
  • Aaron

    Thats good stuff Derek, I might have to pick up that book and the daisy is much more appropriate and straight forward than a tulip for calvinist theology :)

    • http://covenantoflove.net/ Derek Ouellette